yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
