I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
