the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
