im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
