Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
