So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
