I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
