felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
