i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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