Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
