After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
