It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
