I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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