let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
