Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
