he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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