I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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