IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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