This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
dude. I can hear the air.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
