John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My dick has a subreddit
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
