i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
