Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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