sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
