last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
