I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
