Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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