remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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