I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
