The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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