So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
