hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
