he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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