Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
