well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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