therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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