we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
