just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
