I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
