the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
