If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
