No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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