Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
