i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
