You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
