some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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