Princesses don't give blow jobs
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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