y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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