ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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