Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
