if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
